So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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