I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
