just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
being pregnant is like rehab
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
