she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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