we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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