Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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