dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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