i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
