bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
