dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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