i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
only you would photoshop your dick
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
