I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
