This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
