My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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