so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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