Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
