sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
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You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."