seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing