Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
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I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?