Texts From Last Night

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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"

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  (712): Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me" http://tfl.nu/camp
  Replies (5) Good night (646) Bad night (1018)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell

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  (506): Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell http://tfl.nu/5oyd
  Replies (19) Good night (4080) Bad night (1307)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions

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  (206): weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions http://tfl.nu/qwf5
  Replies (12) Good night (5691) Bad night (1089)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.

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  (513): I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY. http://tfl.nu/5vxl
  Replies (7) Good night (3072) Bad night (1152)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.

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  (262): Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life. http://tfl.nu/enlv
  Replies (15) Good night (1107) Bad night (3204)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?

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  (406): I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete? http://tfl.nu/gioo
  Replies (9) Good night (2225) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out

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  (610): She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out http://tfl.nu/xh8n
  Replies (2) Good night (1524) Bad night (666)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.

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  (606): only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/lmd6
  Replies (29) Good night (1975) Bad night (1865)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.

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  (432): I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line. http://tfl.nu/q8nl
  Replies (20) Good night (4664) Bad night (1072)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.

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  (214): i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing. http://tfl.nu/q1z1
  Replies (11) Good night (2650) Bad night (661)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs

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  (941): Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs http://tfl.nu/r0oh
  Replies (13) Good night (2928) Bad night (511)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.

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  (303): i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower. http://tfl.nu/pdu2
  Replies (4) Good night (861) Bad night (403)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off

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  (401): i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off http://tfl.nu/b0hl
  Replies (2) Good night (685) Bad night (426)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".

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  (501): Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow". http://tfl.nu/7f9c
  Replies (2) Good night (334) Bad night (519)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.

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  (815): I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it. http://tfl.nu/z6ex
  Replies (3) Good night (837) Bad night (298)

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