considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
