And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize