She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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