he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
