wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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