Having a random hookup so left but love u
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
