His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
