omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
