I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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