im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
