I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
