Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
