I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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