if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
