she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
