She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
