apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
