Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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