She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
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i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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