Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
