Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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