I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
