So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So here I am, sexting at work.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
