I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
