Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
