You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
