look no pants
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
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I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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