I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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