you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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