Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
