I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
