she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Green mimosas i think yes
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
