Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
