Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
