great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
