I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
