Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
