Don't make out with my wife yet
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i think i just lost a toe
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
