Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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