i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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