it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
