i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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