I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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