I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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