Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
